What Are Microaggressions?
LIFE EXPERIENCE
Beyond “Hurt Feelings”: The Silent Killer
We’ve all been there. You’re in a team meeting, you’ve just shared a brilliant idea, and a senior colleague says, “That’s surprisingly good. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
On the surface, it might sound like a compliment. But it’s not. It’s a microaggression — a subtle, everyday comment that silently chips away at your sense of belonging, your confidence, and your sanity.
In the fast-paced, collaborative world of IT, we often talk about burnout and stress. But we rarely talk about the cumulative weight of these small, insidious moments. For many in tech, particularly those from marginalized backgrounds, it’s not the long hours that break them; it’s the “death by a thousand cuts.”
The Unseen Power of a Manager’s Words
The manager-reportee relationship is a critical place where these slights can do the most damage. A manager holds the keys to your career, and when they unknowingly use their power to undermine you, the impact is amplified.
Think about the classic “intent vs. impact” problem.
A manager might offer a less stressful project to a female employee, thinking they’re being considerate. Their intent is to be benevolent. But the impact is that they’ve denied that employee the challenging work she needs to get promoted, based on a harmful stereotype. They’ve essentially said, “I don’t believe you can handle this,” without ever saying the words out loud.
These moments create a deep disconnect, a feeling that your reality is being ignored. When a leader asks where you’re “really from” after you’ve said you’re Indian, it’s a direct invalidation of your identity. Over time, these moments erode trust, poison psychological safety, and can make an employee feel like an “other” in their own team.
The Ripple Effect: From You to the Entire Team
An unaddressed microaggression doesn’t just affect one person. It sends a ripple through the entire team.
When a team member is repeatedly silenced or marginalized, they stop speaking up. They stop sharing their ideas. That brilliant new feature or innovative solution that could have revolutionized a product gets lost. As an organization, you don’t just lose a person; you lose their creativity, their passion, and their unique perspective.
The data is clear. A “toxic culture” is the number one reason people leave their jobs, beating out a lack of career growth and even low pay. And that toxicity is often fueled by the very microaggressions that go unnoticed or unaddressed.
So what can we do about it? The responsibility lies with all of us, from the intern to the CEO.
Plan for Building an Inclusive Culture
For Managers: Start with Awareness and Accountability.
If a reportee says something you said was hurtful, don’t get defensive. Just listen, apologize, and commit to doing better. Your team is watching. If you own your mistakes, they will learn to own theirs.
When you witness a microaggression, address it promptly. Your silence gives the behavior a stamp of approval.
For Employees: Learn to Respond and Protect Yourself.
When someone says something hurtful, you can non-confrontationally ask, “What do you mean by that?” It forces them to reflect on their words.
You are not alone. Connect with trusted colleagues who can validate your experience and provide a much-needed support system.
For Organizations: Address the Systemic Issues.
Go beyond mandatory training. Make unconscious bias training a regular, ongoing process, not just a one-time event.
Microaggressions are not just about hurt feelings. They are a business problem. They erode trust, stifle innovation, and drive talent out the door. The most successful teams aren’t just the smartest; they’re the most psychologically safe.
By calling out these silent aggressions and proactively building a culture of dignity and respect, we can create a workspace where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued — and we can stop losing our best people.
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