You are living in the knot of your Life

This blog is about us — about me, you, and many others who crave understanding. It’s for everyone navigating the twists and turns of life, trying to make sense of it all. Before diving into some intense thoughts, let me apologize to anyone who might be offended. We’re all unique individuals, each with our own personalities. What might bother me may not faze you, and that’s part of the intricate tapestry of life — the “Knot of Life.”

So, what is life?

To be exact, it doesn’t have a specified definition in the dictionary. It varies from person to person.

For me, life unfolds as an infinite cycle of stumbling, yet with each fall, I rise again, fortified and more resilient than before.

I wouldn’t label my life as difficult, but emotionally and psychologically, it hasn’t been a beautifully crafted story either. I come from an average middle-class family, where support was enough to survive but not enough to truly live. I’ve experienced pain, caused hurt unintentionally, and missed chances to prevent it at times, too. The journey has been hectic.

The worst thing about me? I am an Overthinker, like many of you. As an overthinker, joy often eludes me. I tend to blow tiny events out of proportion, even turning tiny happy moments into tragedies. I won’t blame others, but as an “emotionally deficient person”, I sometimes lean on those around me, even if they can’t fully grasp what’s happening in my head.

So, what do I expect from those few people around me? Firstly, there aren’t many. Secondly, I hope they’ll listen to me and understand why I think the way I do. A therapist once said that there could be many reasons. I’ll list down some so you can help your overthinker friends, or you can relate and understand it as an overthinker.

– Maybe events from years ago still linger in my heart.
– Maybe being told I didn’t think before acting since childhood turned me into someone who now thinks a lot.
– Maybe there have been instances where my overthinking has turned into reality.
– Maybe my parents never truly understood my struggles.

There are many “maybes,” but does that mean the people around me are wrong? No. But we all need help. Is that too much to ask?

I sometimes feel uncertain about many things in my life, but I’ve always seen myself as someone who can handle things on my own. I’ve been through times when I had to care for myself, like when I was sick or spent days alone in a room. I’ve managed to survive on my own, whether it was in school, college, or at work.

Despite my independence, doubts linger, especially about my career. I can get pretty focused on what I want to achieve, and some might call that being “ambitious.” The “handling alone” has made me someone who no longer wants to lose things in her life, especially her dreams. But I don’t see anything wrong with trying to make my life the way I imagined it as a kid. What’s wrong with having big dreams?

I’m working on fixing my life’s problems to improve things. I care a lot about my career — maybe too much — but I think it’s okay to want to build the life you dreamed of. There’s nothing wrong with having big, maybe even silly, dreams. It’s about making my life the best it can be.
My definition of success may differ from yours. Well, I am happy that I am willing to work hard and grow into a successful person. And I know I will. But the question is, at what cost? Do I have to leave people behind this time or, like every other time, think about others and stay put? See, OVERTHINKING AGAIN!

I have a beautiful little family, and I know my parents love me a lot. No regrets. But c’mon, parents are human, too, and they can make mistakes, too. So, first, stop putting your parents on a pedestal. Since childhood, I have had the impression of being the perfect elder daughter in my family. Though I was really bad at my studies in school and was always the one neglected compared to my brother, I chose to grow up differently.

At the age of 15, I decided to paint a picture of myself as the “PERFECT DAUGHTER” in front of the world. Studying hard, listening to my parents, saying yes to everything they asked me to do, getting a job, working hard, looking after my younger sibling, being the favorite of my relatives, and making sure my parents were proud of me. But, in all this, I forgot to be myself. I forgot I had a life of my own and needed to live the rest of my life with the personality I had developed since childhood. And here I am! Trying to bring out my individuality and getting lost every single time.

Trust me, it’s a difficult process. I am getting there, and you will get there too. In my life journey, my “Knot” has been stubbornness—never giving up, no matter what. That has kept me going to date. This stubbornness has helped me live, laugh, and write this piece today.

I don’t know if it was my fault that I grew up to be who I am, or if it was the people around me or the situation. But as an individual, I WON’T GIVE UP! The purpose of writing this blog is not just to talk about my life (well, partly, I did want to open up a bit) but also to connect with thousands of others in similar situations. I know you have been fighting hard. You have your own struggles; you have your own miseries, and never compare them to others. Take care of yourself while you can. Take care of the people around you before you lose them completely. You are the best, and you are growing stronger day by day!

Happy Life!

Disclaimer: This post may contain affiliate links. If you click and buy, we may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. Read our full disclosure here.